Vintage Ad 50

"Cystex" 1937, scanned from Taschen's "All-American Ads of the 30s" (click image for 391X600 version.)

This seems to be a kind of diuretic that fights constipation, possibly hemorrhoids, and/or cystitis and anything else that might ail you. But that isn't obvious at first. In the beginning it seems just a men's man ad for whatever. Then it's a cure all. And finally something "scientifically proven," with first person testimony and everything.

And what's with the capital letters at the beginning of any word that designates a human organ, or a disease, or the symptoms of a disease, or the cure for said disease? Why does getting up nights become Getting Up Nights? I'm sure the Queen of England does not simply rise but Rises in All Her Majesty; but doesn't the ordinary Joe just get up?

From the ad:

"Germs Hit Your Kidneys a Knock Out Punch!

Often Cause Getting Up Nights, Nervousness, Leg Pains, Circles Under Eyes, and Rundown Condition

Germs get into the Kidneys, Bladder, and Urinary System during Colds or because of Bad Teeth or Tonsils or during Typhoid and other Bacterial Diseases, so it's no wonder that nearly every one must at times face the dangers which may be caused by Germs in the Urinary System.

Because of the intense irritation produced by them, Germs may be the true and underlying cause of much pain, rundown health and dangerous symptoms such as: Getting Up Nights, Leg Pains, Nervousness, Dizziness, Frequent Colds and Headaches, Rheumatic Pains, Swollen Ankles, Dark Circles Under the Eyes, Back aches, Loss of Appetite and Energy, and Burning, Itching, Smarting Passages. Ordinary medicines can't help much because they do not fight the Germs that may be the cause of your trouble."

It seems only a potent antibiotic would do the trick!

"Mrs. Lena Haddock recently wrote: 'Germs in the Urinary System made me sick for seven years. Terrible pains in my back night and day. Then I would have to force and force. I was so bad three weeks ago that I just couldn't stand the pain and burning any longer. My husband got Cystex for me. I got relief from the first two doses. The pain is all gone now and I have no irritation and can sleep sound all night. I now enjoy life again and can sit in a movie with no worry of getting up and going home before the show is over."

Of all the phony testimonies. And of course the real deal maker is that it makes you "feel younger and stronger and full of life and energy." Did I mention it makes you feel younger? I wonder why they left out beautiful and sexy?