Happy New Year

Happy New Year, one and all! Anybody make any resolutions? I resolve to be even more fiercely myself this year, and still maintain respect for others. I have the goal of building my massage practice to a level that requires a larger office. Schmooze more. Play more. Play my guitar LOTS more, and renew my love affair with my bicycle. Take more pictures, build more wee houses, and improve my language skills. Hope you have a vibrant and amazing 2006!

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all together with a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or otherwise or sexual orientation of the wisher or wishee, any third party beneficiary intended or otherwise, and their respective issue, heirs, assigns and successors in interest. By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself (or other sexual denomination) or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of not more than one year, on the calendar of the wisher’s choice, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and the warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

(Happy Holidays from our legal department, via the wicked Patty B.)

Doll House Finished (mostly)

Da da da da da da da daaaaaaaaa!! It's done! and just in time for gift giving joy-- made from the box another gift came in!
We got Ma a new minifridge this year. She really likes it. This, however, represents a lifelong dream. Ever since I can remember, Ma wanted a doll's House. Well, now she has it. She is really pleased, and is planning to sew for it. Folks, she's not sewn in years. Like I said before, it's great to see her excited and happy about something. I have a few cosmetic touches to apply, but for the best part, it's done. The door wreath is rosemary from Sandy's garden(thanks, San!), the upright player piano is a music box, and the tree was my brother Edd's. He bought the hearth and accesories when I was building a house from a kit--the wood warped, so it was never completed.
Ma chose the wallpaper and art work--over the mantle is an antique map of the world, and beside it hangs a knight. The roof shingles are from a slab of paper I bought when I was first taking up origami, as is the wall paper. The bricks and flooring are patterns from printshop, and the mouldings and stones etc are foamcore. I'm already thinking about my next one (having learned from my mistakes on this one).

It May Be Time To Dig A New Lair

Just two days after guest posting on OPE(http://otherpeopleexist.blogspot.com/2005/12/december-17-2005.html), this arrived at my lair, delivered by a minion wearing a uniform. Not a good sign. Imagine my horror upon opening it--the clear threat implied by the direct eye contact of the poor genetically modified organism, as if to say "I see you."
Clearly my enemies (the pet owners alluded to by Kurt) have bred a race of cyborg dogs, fitted with antanae and blinking lights. Nice of them to send a warning--you can always count on your fellow mad scientist types to gloat--before, during, and after. It seems my only hope is to make it to a BETA safe house before the army of cyberpups are dispatched. This could get messy before it's all over.

I Have No Excuse, Really.

Ok, I’m being a lazy sod again today.  Here’s some funny one liners from  http://funny2.com/jokes.htm
And remember, providing the link makes it not plagiarism
.
There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.
If #2 pencils are the most popular, are they still #2?
There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants
A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.
Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
Man cannot live by bread alone, unless he's locked in a cage and that's all you feed him
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Stalking is
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
I'd like to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.
Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines!
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake
Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

Shameless Self Promotion,or "Blogging around Like a Total Slut"

Go read Kurt's Blog. Over there--to your left. Click on the "Other People Exist" link, and then you'll see evidence that 1. I'm a total whore; and 2. I'm excused from writing a real update today. I have a note from my doctor.

Amber and Justin Show the Love

Here's some shots of the carved wooden linking monkeys Amber gave me, and the kite I got from Justin. My first flying monkey!! I always wanted those to send on "little errands"..........

Keeping Busy on a Cold Night

This is the box me Ma's xmas gift came in. It was just a proper cardboard box, but I got creative and restructured it with a pocket knife and some tape. Then, I printed some bricks and shingles, and found a really cool door, and stuck it on rather quickly with spray adhesive and glue stick. It's a kind of sketch for a similar house, to be done with more care, and papier mache'.

Next step will be to add windows, and start in on the interior. When I do it properly, I'll actually start with the inside, but as I'm running on pure inspiration and flying ala seat of the pants........

Holiday greetings

"Happy Winter Holiday, as you worship him/her/them/it/or not, as you see fit, in accordance with the tradition of your own personal choice.
( If this greeting still offends you, fuck off.")

My official holiday card, reproduced here.

Congrats to Kurt

The media has noticed the valient effort of superblogger Kurt in his crusade to end the humiliating practice of dressing pets up in costumes. Follow the link to witness his glory!
http://www.thebayareaistalking.com/archives/2005/12/tis_the_season.html
Pet humiliation--it's not just for goyim anymore!

IRBHN Office Xmas Party--Deck the Blog

After a bitter, tearful exchange with the legal department, here are some photos from last nights manditory "morale boosting" office xmas party.
Up top, our editor-in-chief, E. T. Bear
and his personal asistant, Mr. Zappy, weilding the "employee morale booster", or "death ray". Fortunately it doesn't work very well, as we have to take the lowest of 3 bids every time we purchase something.
Next, in order of importance, is our attorney, Count Damoney. He came all the way from Portugal, along with much of the staff.

Here's a shot of the office, all decorated, party in full swing. Have you ever seen anything as sad?

Bobo, head of catering, offering snacks to head of maintence, office courier, and head writer, counter clockwise from right.
Finally, G.T. Bear (E.T.'s twin), hiding out in a safe spot.

More Tales From the 60's-My First Xmas

My first holiday is as fresh in my memory as if it were just yesterday. The ECT hasn't done a damn thing.....
Ok, I was 11 months old, and had been learning to speak english from the television for the past month. The month before that, I had been speaking Czech, but only to the housekeeper. She was the only adult that didn't "baby talk" to me, so I figured she was the only one that wasn't crippled by imbecility and was my link to learning.
Once my babbling had been identified as a foreign language, the TV was designated as my "learning to talk buddy". My brothers noticed that whenever a robot appeared on screen--Robby the Robot in particular--I went balistic with delight. Being good brothers, they decided to get me my own toy robot for christmas. They saved their allowances and got the most expensive toy robot they could find. One with A HUMAN HEAD!!!!
So along comes christmas eve. It was my first, so while it struck me as strange and new, it got factored in with EVERYTHING being strange and new. I chilled behind the tree chewing my favorite doorstop (rubber,wedge shaped) whilst the family opened gifts.
Without warning, I was whisked out from behind the tree, and given a brightly wrapped box, complete with ribons and bows. It was so pretty--the first I'd ever seen up close. I was happy with the pretty box, but no, the family expected me to open it. Inside I found a box with a picture of a spaceman on it. How thoughtful! I was encouraged to open the box, where, to my horror, I found a tin robot body with a plastic bubble up top containing a HUMAN HEAD!!!
Have you ever heard a small child squeal with terror? Ear splitting.
The rest of the night was filled with my brothers trying their best to get me to play with the horrible terrifying head stealing robot assassin-- I was just sure they'd taken out life insurance on me, and were looking to cash in. I stayed safely behind Ma, armed with my trusty doorstop.

Holiday Cheer

Mariana came to my aid battling the holiday blues--nothing cheers you up like a box full of chocolate and toys from a friend overseas. Im having a wee modicum of self control--I'm opening everything slowly, to make it all last longer. More to come, with informative photos and informational text--soon!