long time no blog

sawasdee khrap................... so, I've been in Thailand for about a solid year now, spent 6 months between 2012/13, went back a few months, then returned last April.  I have been studying Thai language and culture, with an eye toward getting in the tourism and hospitality business when I return to the USA.

"Throwing Art in People's Faces"

Zombelina,-or- Thumbelina ate my brain

So, having embraced my inner Bond villain, I spend my time directing community theater instead of blogging. Much more evil, and you get to experience the audience's response in real time, instead of in your imagination. One of our mottoes :"Fuck the power of the imagination". And by that we mean: "modern sproglets have disgusting imaginations, so lets leave as little to it as possible". Subsequently, one is faced with a mountain of tech to build. Costumes to sew, puppets to make, and all kinds of props to build. Having talented evil assistants makes it all so much more fun! More on my unholy proteges later............................... pictured are the beautiful and talented Melissa as Thumbelina, and the talented and beautiful Alan as the Fairy King.
At the show's opening performance last Saturday, a small boy was presented to Melissa by his mum, requesting a hug from "dreamy Thumbelina". I swear I saw his psyche imprint her as his feminine ideal.
My evil plans are subtle, and take a while to develop. I think I may need a cryogenic chamber if I plan to enjoy the fruits of my evil labors.

Bond Villain in Progress

The "community theater" thing is really starting to pay off. I've got a pair of mysterious talented women as assistants--J and L-- and they really help reinforce the whole evil genius vibe I've been working. I'm thinking about enrolling L in a bodyguard school, and J has already made herself indispensable as my personal assistant. I hardly even have to scheme and plot anymore. I just sign off on their ideas. So much free time now! Maybe I'll join an evil book club.............

I was going to spare you the sight of my blasphemous creations, but Kurt insisted. Despair!!!

tra la la

So, now I'm directing Thumbellina, but with a feminist twist at the denouement. We are making puppets to both help reinforce the whole "tiny" idea, and also to distract the sproglets during scene changes. This fishy is just the first of a school---three that size, and three smaller, making a school of bright bobbing distractions. No, you may not call your new band bright bobbing distractions.

TTFN

Hansel and Gretel Ate My Brain

Also, a really icky sinus infection from being out in the wind and allergens all weekend. It must be some karmic retribution from making the cast sleep in unheated kennels, or something.
The show's producer is quite happy with my work, and wants to find funding to pay me with for future projects. Additionally, she seems to think my wee penchant for brutality would be more appropriate to Grande Guinol type productions. She's right---Grim's Tales give me the willies.

Show Opens!!

After months of writing, planning, rehearsals and brutality, the show opened to a very satisfying house. Ok, we opened in a parking lot, but from a theater history standpoint that just makes us like strolling players or something. We got laughs at all the right parts, and everyone clapped really really hard at the end. We have 3 more shows, and none of them are in parking lots! Today, I shall grant them leave to perform on an actual stage. I know, I spoil my actors........

I'm a Fucking SAINT, I Tell you........

..................and don't start with the "How can you be evil and a saint, too?" crap---look up St Augustine, for starters. Anyway, hagiography aside, I tell you I want to be canonized, or given a lollipop at the very least, because I haven't dropped a single f-bomb in front of anyone under the age of 19 during the process of directing this little puppet show.
To quote Kinky Freedman, "I would never say "fuck" in front of a C-H-I-L-D". But tonight, during our first tech rehearsal, when one of the mics made the whole system feedback, I came really fucking close. Thank fuck I'm not a fucking vulgarian.

countdown.......

......to community theater. Two weeks or so until we open, and the show promises to be........cute.

What do you want from me? Remember---EVIL.

Whoops! I'm Evil.......

Seems I have--quite accidentally--become a super villain. Oops.

Before you get all judgey, and risk incurring my twisted wrath, allow me to explain.

The"Dr Angst" facet of my personality---once minute---has staged a hellish coup and merged with my artsy-fartsy creative side. Sounds like a gay Bond villain to me.........

The change was slow, and subtle. The urge to direct community theatre, my draconian approach
to conflict resolution, and now, the final straw---I am putting people in thrall.

You may recall a comment from Kurt Xxxx ( I ask him how to pronounce Xxxx--he said "the European pronunciation") where he said, and I quote, or actually copy and past :
" Kurt said...

I love low pay! "

What, you may ask, has gotten in to him?? Besides the whole "was a teechur" thing????

Four words.

Funee. Tyme. Bat. Buddee.

The gift that keeps on giving.........funniest thing, Kurt was concerned about possible concealed nanny cam tech imbedded, and completely overlooked the whole "will tapping Voo Doo hex" angle.

So, now that Kurt-Kurt-Kurty-Kurt-Kurt is in thrall-thrall-thrally-thrall-thrall,

I have no idea what to do. He's geographically too remote to be of much real use, damn it.

Does anyone know where the de-thrall powder is? I can only take so much responsibility.

Lola---She Gets What She Wants, Apparently

The Satin Dollz in "Whatever Lola Wants" from Dan Blank on Vimeo.

the floggings will continue until morale improves

So, we have 5 more weeks of rehearsal.............and I'm NOT loving what I'm seeing. Seriously, I have to recast two roles---one adult, one child--if this is going to work. And rather than blaming "the phantom" and just dropping lights on them, I have to tell them. Verbally. Using words.
You would think I'd be more looking forward to it, happily rubbing my evil mits together, anticipating their anguish, but somehow I just don't.
Is it too late to blame the phantom? Or Andrew Lloyd Webber??

Oh, the ruthless, cut throat world of community children's theater. How many soul's must it have before it's unholy thirst is slaked??? How many ruined lives? How many dashed dreams? How many licks to get to the center of the tootsie-pop of local celebrity??

WANTED: MINIONS- hard work, low pay, ugly death.

I'm posting early this week, before rehearsal, rather than after.

Six individuals will be absent this week. (Still haven't healed completely from last week.)

Additionally, I'm having to be the responsible adult in charge tonight, since Anais' babysitter canceled. (Still haven't healed completely from last week.)

So, I have to open the space, turn lights on/off, etc---the things I usually have minions handle.
(Still haven't healed completely from last week.)

So I'll be responsible for holding the key to the church. Posting early, in case of that whole pesky bursting into flames thing.

Rehearsals Begin. Who Will Survive.....

....................and what will be left of them?

We began our journey of a thousand steps tonight.

I'm calling in a ringer at the end of the month to understudy half the roles. Keeps people sharp when they see their prospective successor.
And I taped this picture by Sebastien Millon to my script notebook, just to remind my beloved cast of thespians that failure=being eaten.

More sunshine and puppy muffins later!

Be sweet, and go read Sebastien's blog--linked to the left--CHRONICALLY SICK,ETC

Suffer For My Art--- Other People Must.......

...apparently.
You know me. I'm a problem solver, never content to merely whine--I prefer to take action.

After rereading my last post, I realized the answer to my problem was as obvious as inbreeding at a Tea Party. All I had to do was eliminate or even just significantly reduce the number of competing elements. All those things that were keeping people from auditioning for my production of Hansel & Gretel had to DIE!!

A judicious application of arson,blackmail,contaminants,drugs,electricity(pictured),forgery,
garrotes,homicide,insects,judo,karate,lions,mustard(gas),nails,
origami,perjury,quinine,
rabies,snakes,torture,unkindness,virus(computer),wi-fi,xenophobia,yodeling, and zither music
was all it took to bring down my enemies. Goodbye, scouting. Adieu, school athletics. Sayonara,
see ya around, don't let the screen door hit you in the ass on your way out.

I have a full cast! I had all I needed and more turn up--qu'el surprize-- so rehearsal may begin next week. And the smoking shell of this chastened city may begin licking it's wounds, rebuilding, and chiseling into stone the lesson of the week: "When our overlord smiles and says "please", do it at once, or he'll break both your knees".

I made it an easy to remember little rhyme. I'm such a giver!

City I Live In Too Damn Interesting

Seriously. What do you have to do to cast a community theater project? Back in the flashback inducing old days [twitch!], we clambered over each other to audition. It got us out of sheep milking, thorn harvesting, and other such hated chores. But here in Hipsterville? Way different.

All the fun/stimulating/trendy stuff we have here totally eliminates the need for community theatre. YouTube gives the wannabees their illusion of stardom, and the fear of ridicule stymies all others. What the damn hell, and shit a monkey!!!!!

I have most parts cast, but as a budding Bond villain and mal vivant, I want a huge crowd of minions!!!! But I'll take 6 or 7 stout hearted types. Any age. Even really old people. Or animals.
I may resort to puppets if this last round of auditions doesn't produce.

Once "Popular" Blog in Mothballs; Ersatz/Former/Part-time "Blogger" Blames Workload, Extracurricular Activities

(AUSTIN,TX) Once "semi-prolific" semi-blogger Trey Hoel, known to some as "Taarzaan", professed a lack of time and energy as chief reasons for his lack of posts. "Between full-time self employment, aging, and directing community theatre projects, I just forget to blog", whined the rapidly greying hippie, "plus with everyone just reposting porn on Tumblr, who the fuck has energy to compose text?". Public reactions have ranged from apathy (68%), to vague interest in the theatrical componants (12%), to deeply prurient curiosity about porn (20%).

I Just Wrote This Horrid Joke

..............and had to share it.


Why can't Anna Nicole Smith find a parking space at Walmart?



























( punchline in comments)

Tilly VS the Closet Monster

This bit of cinemania is brought to you by the ever whimsical Bart, and the ever stalwart Tilly.