the floggings will continue until morale improves

So, we have 5 more weeks of rehearsal.............and I'm NOT loving what I'm seeing. Seriously, I have to recast two roles---one adult, one child--if this is going to work. And rather than blaming "the phantom" and just dropping lights on them, I have to tell them. Verbally. Using words.
You would think I'd be more looking forward to it, happily rubbing my evil mits together, anticipating their anguish, but somehow I just don't.
Is it too late to blame the phantom? Or Andrew Lloyd Webber??

Oh, the ruthless, cut throat world of community children's theater. How many soul's must it have before it's unholy thirst is slaked??? How many ruined lives? How many dashed dreams? How many licks to get to the center of the tootsie-pop of local celebrity??