How To Play "Nostril"

My late brother Edd and I shared the same absurd sense of humor. We shared several fraternal traditions, like the house we always bellowed at as we passed in the car (imagine the Doppler effect, and the people inside going “there it is again—that strange noise”), and the game of “nostril”.

“Nostril” is a cooperative channel surfing game.
A flip of the coin determines who is the “changer” and who is the “score keeper”. The “changer” wears a special hat, and holds a staff (or sword) of office, as well as the television remote. The “score keeper” has a pad and pencil.

A further coin flip determines the direction—“up” or “down”—the direction the “changer” pushes on the remote, at the appropriate time.

Play begins when the television is turned “on”.
Players stare intently at the screen, waiting until they can clearly see “nostril(s)”. Side of the nose isn't enough--you must be able to see in. Players must shout “nostril!”(there are no “turns”—everyone screams communally), and the “changer” “changes” the channel in the before chosen direction. This continues until all the channels have been “nostriled” (or, in the case of the weather radar channel, “forfeited”), returning to the original “first channel”, when the two “players” exchange roles, and another “coin flip” determines the “new” direction.

But what, you may well ask, of the “score keeper”?

The role of “score keeper” is a sacred one.
The “score keeper” keeps track of the various values of the televised air-intake openings. Different “nostril”s have different “values”:
(“double barrels” count x2)
Baby nostrils = 20 pts
Newscaster nostrils = 50 pts
Cartoon nostrils = 100 pts
Historical nostrils = 500 pts
Villainous nostrils = 500 pts
Heroic nostrils = 700 pts
Musical nostrils = 800 pts
Animal nostrils = 1000 pts
Simultaneous group nostrils = reverse direction

Add to that the various combinations of points—say “heroic musical cartoon animal nostril” would be a full 2600 points!

Dawn dropped by to participate in the First Annual Edd Hoel Memorial Nostril Games. Being the first, it was a small, intimate gathering. Next year I hope to have a larger group (you’re all invited).

Until then, you have the basic rules—go practice.