BEA Brave, Little Blogger

I have to miss the BEA ceremony in New Jersey, damn my luck. There's going to be cake and juicy juice and maybe Bronson Pinchott. And a puppet show, or so I heard. The reasons I have to miss this gala event, even though I won for "Best Blog by a Masseur, Masseuse, or acupuncturist Under the Age of 50" are as follows:(in no apparant order)

I'm sick. Sneezing, sniffling, oozing and sweating. Can't come out and play.

I'm broke. Self employment is like that sometimes. I think my boss is out to get me.

New Jersey is totally far away from Texas. Kurt can tell you that far away from Texas is not a bad thing at all, but it's been eons since I was allowed past the state line, due to the mutant quarentine laws that were put into effect after that last thing that we agreed I wouldn't ever talk about in exchange for.......nevermind. Besides, I don't think they even speak the same language as we do here in Texas. They have high falutin' concepts like "gerunds" and "prepositions" and stuff like that. We have to access the SAP channel whenever we watch a Kevin Smith film here.
And one time, when I was younger and I got out of Texas, I tried to order a hamburger "with everything on it" in a northern state. You won't believe the things they allow on a burger--if it literally had everything on it, it would weigh 12 pounds and taste like.......nevermind. Here in Texas we have laws that dictate what can go on a hamburger, besides the ones outlawing same sex unions and making capital punishment a spectator event. In fact, I believe that the Governor will personally execute you if you are found putting tartar sauce and kraut on your burger.

So I hope that Kurt will be allowed to read my 1 minute acceptance speech, even though he hasn't agreed to and I only asked once. It goes like this:

"I want to thank everyone who made this award possible--all the other bloggers that I cheerlead for (Mariana, Kurt, and Delta), the fabulous babes that give me stuff to write about (Dawn, Amber, Lily) and the good people at BEA for noticing how desperate I am for approval. Thank you all, and blog bless you. Can you mail the award to me?"