National State of Alert Levels of Many Countries

From my wicked friend, Nancy, to my friend Sandy (also wicked), to me(wicked beyond repair)—an e-mail she forwarded. In light of W’s recently escalated fear campaign—hoping we’ll all forget his shameful fuck up with New Orleans and go back to cowering and surrendering our human rights ala post 9/11--
National State of Alert Levels

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings, and
the level has just been raised from "miffed" to "peeved." Soon though,
the levels may be raised yet again to "irritated" or even "a bit
cross." Londoners have not been a "bit cross" since the Blitz in 1940
when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "tiresome" to "a bloody
nuisance," the last time a "bloody nuisance" warning level was issued
was during the great fire in 1666.

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has
raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher
levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by
a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing their military capability.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert: the
Italians have increased their alert level from "shout loudly and
excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing." Two more levels remain,
"ineffective combat operations" and "change sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful
arrogance"
to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs." They have two higher
levels, "invade a neighbor" and "lose."

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe, the Americans have gone
from
"isolationism" to "find another oil-rich nation in the middle east
ripe for regime change." Their remaining higher alert states are "attack
the world" and "beg the British for help."

Finally here in Blightey we've now gone from "pretend nothing's
happening" to "make another cup of tea." Our higher levels are "remain resolutely cheerful" and "win."