Welcome to Austin! Don't Be A Douche!

I read somewhere that Austin was the 6th most moved-to city last year. I'm treating it as good news, because it helps raise the ratio of clients to massage therapists for the better (MT's are as thick here as mosquitoes in a swamp). But on the other hand, I must despair of the inevitable culture dilution that occurs. So welcome, new comer, but leave that urban blightmare bad attitude in your storage unit. Don't bring us your paranoia, your impatience, your douche baggery. Adjust to a more sincere, mellow, thoughtful existence. You've been living in a game preserve for assholes. You are used to being a creep reflexively-- like blinking. Texans generally don't stand for that. We've barely gotten past dueling and feuding, so don't push your luck. Years of rigid role expectation, forced courtesy, and country music have made most Texans into walking time bombs. All you have to do is go a short distance away from here to find them. And sometimes, they drive in to shop. So for safety's sake,for the children, for puppies and Christmas, just to make sure you don't inadvertently provoke someone into acting out in a big, scary way-- clean up your fucking act.