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.........................[slurred trill]..................eh!
where's tha.....................thing..................I wanted? ya know, tha..............dammit.
dammit dammit dammit dammit DAMMIT!!!!!!! uuuuuuuugh!!!
tha.........thing tha plays MUSIC........................over there. it is. over there it is...........I'll jus'.......................................jus'........................................................["Rehab" begins on stereo]
[THUD]
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
DOAS pt 3: Rhyme "Furry" with "Ennui"
Dear Diary,
So, this is sentience.
whee.
More than just a little bit disappointing. In fact, you can HAVE it.
I'm a raccoon. I was about as ready for an existential crisis as a manatee is ready for pole dancing . Maybe less.
Ok, so I'm the first raccoon to contemplate it's own mortality. If you were planning on a plaque, keep it. What I need is a drink. Or something.
And to make matters worse---something has been eating my berries. Oh, I apparently have a concept of ownership now, and it is causing me no end of vexation.
My garbage, my berries, my den--my mortality, my nausea and inertia--[angry trilling]
I'm off to steal some booze and an Amy Winehouse CD.
So, this is sentience.
whee.
More than just a little bit disappointing. In fact, you can HAVE it.
I'm a raccoon. I was about as ready for an existential crisis as a manatee is ready for pole dancing . Maybe less.
Ok, so I'm the first raccoon to contemplate it's own mortality. If you were planning on a plaque, keep it. What I need is a drink. Or something.
And to make matters worse---something has been eating my berries. Oh, I apparently have a concept of ownership now, and it is causing me no end of vexation.
My garbage, my berries, my den--my mortality, my nausea and inertia--[angry trilling]
I'm off to steal some booze and an Amy Winehouse CD.
It smells gross in here, but it's warm
I like what the raccoons have done with this place. Nice use of garbage to make a little soft place for resting. Best impromptu den I've seen, and I've stolen from quite a few. I like the same berries they do, so when they go out to do whatever shit raccoons do, I check out their stash. It's good stuff, after you wash their stink off. I may bring some of the cool squirrels with me next time. Peace out!
Sunday, November 01, 2009
DOAS: pt 2
Dear Diary,
The trick-or-treating ruse worked like a charm! I have enough simple carbs to double my body weight eight times, but something tells me to go easy. I'm mildly disturbed by the leaps and bounds my intelligence has taken since lapping up that green glowy liquid that was dripping from the cloning tubes. There! How the hell do I know about cloning? I'm a frickin RACCOON.
And when did I learn to type?
Seriously--what the hell?
The trick-or-treating ruse worked like a charm! I have enough simple carbs to double my body weight eight times, but something tells me to go easy. I'm mildly disturbed by the leaps and bounds my intelligence has taken since lapping up that green glowy liquid that was dripping from the cloning tubes. There! How the hell do I know about cloning? I'm a frickin RACCOON.
And when did I learn to type?
Seriously--what the hell?
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