"I Think Alone"-- From my Friend Nancy

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then
-- just to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more
than
just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax" I told
myself,
but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking
all the time. That was when things began to sour at home.

One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning
of
life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't
mix,
but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I
could read Thoreau and Kafka.

I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it
exactly we are doing here?" One day the boss called me in. He said,
"Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has
become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll
have
to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation
with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know
you've
been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as
college
professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep
on
thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears
of
rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional
drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into
the
parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors...
they
didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a
poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?"
it
asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard
Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a
recovering
thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video: last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how
we
avoided thinking since the last meeting .

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the
road
to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today, I registered to vote as a
Republican.

~~~~~~~~~~
Ben Harmon
~~~~~~~~~~


"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
body.
Then I realized who was telling me this." Emo Phillips



Thanks, Nan!