I Have No Excuse, Really.

Ok, I’m being a lazy sod again today.  Here’s some funny one liners from  http://funny2.com/jokes.htm
And remember, providing the link makes it not plagiarism
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There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.
If #2 pencils are the most popular, are they still #2?
There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants
A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.
Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
Man cannot live by bread alone, unless he's locked in a cage and that's all you feed him
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Stalking is
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
I'd like to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.
Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines!
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake
Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!