commercials make me want to write haikus

In response to a couple of annoying adverts (body spray and a phone company)



Click counter each time
Someone looks at you with lust
Masturbate later


Deny it all day
But it is quite apparent
Indeed it's a phone


There! I feel better. Thanks, and sorry.

Puppetosis Diagnosis

Oh, dear....my childhood case of puppetosis is flaring up again. I managed to make it through the past couple of decades with only minor symptoms, and only then when confronted with really well crafted puppets.........now, I feel again the old urge to make evil puppets.
Zombunnie was the first new idea. Just an average, brain eating undead rabbit. No big.
More challenging is Sick Sock. I don't really know how to get started on him. I expect he'll undergo several changes on the way.
The point being--puppet vlogging. 2007.
Be annoyed. Be very annoyed.

RMT POV

I got an idea for a photography project called "RMT POV".
People look different at the end of a massage--they are relaxed, for one thing. Usually, the first half of the session they are face down. By the time they turn over, they are already feeling better. Add to that the perspective of the therapist standing at the head of the table. People look different when viewed from the top. Features are elongated. Everyone looks thinner and younger or something.
So, I want to take pictures of friends etc, on my table, blanket up to chin, from above-- the view I see for the last part of a session. Then you'll understand why it's hard to recognize clients when they are dressed and standing up.

Taarzaan: Too Content for Content? The IRBHN Interview

We here at IRBHN are horrified at the shameful lack of updates of late. We traced alleged blogger Taarzaan to his central Texas lair to put him to some direct questions.
Treading silently, we crept up behind Taarzaan, and shouted "BOO!".
We came to shortly after, an apologetic looking Taarzaan assuring us that the swelling would soon subside. We gathered our notes (and teeth) while Taarzaan put the kettle on. We couldn't help noticing--the lack of tension in his face, his relaxed manner, the playful preparation of the tea....was this the same person who knocked us unconsious just a few minutes ago? We put it to the question:
IRBHN: Dude! You totally hit me in the face!
Taarzaan: You startled me, pinhead!
IRBHN: ..and now, you're all chilled, and mellow and playing with the tea mugs. Psycho or something?
Taarzaan: Not even. As if! and bite me.
IRBHN: Oooh, Oscar Wilde, look out!
Taarzaan: I have an idea--startle me again. It'll be funny!
IRBHN: Ahem. So--you haven't been blogging so much for a while. Isn't that what bloggers do? Blog? Am I crazy, or what?
Taarzaan: Well, you are definately crazy, but that doesn't invalidate your point--entirely.
IRBHN: So, what's up, monkey man?
Taarzaan: erm.....all sorts of stuff. I was adjusting to the rigours of the new career for a while, and had to lay off the keyboard. I kinda got out of the habit of writing. Then, there's the whole "I keep my mouth shut unless I'm bitching about something" aspect.
IRBHN: Ah, yes--like Sensei Delta said:(writers work best if they're just a tad miserable).
Taarzaan: Bull's eye. I set out to change my life--I was over worked, over burdened, yatta yatta---and now it's pretty much all good. I'm kinda lazy and content just now.
IRBHN: Any plans for future posts?
Taarzaan: I don't think I've fully exploited the Mad Libs thing, and I always found the rebus to be a delightful platform for mirth. And I'm starting to feel all crafty again--I may just get around to that puppet theatre, and some puppets. That may lead to webcam video blogging. Who knows? Now, fuck off--I'm gonna get jazzed up on coffee and lift weights.

In Response To That Damned Annoying Commercial on the Television:

Attn: You ARE a phone company. It IS a PHONE! And don't presume to tell me what to call things. Things are what they are. Deal with it. I don't care how trendy or "cutting edge" your product or service is. You are too needy and controling. And your adverts suck.
There! Off my chest.

Psychiatric Memories, Pt 1: Using Your Powers for Good

I don't know what brought this memory up, but it has been fluttering around me all evening. Blogging usually makes them go on their way........
About 4 years ago, while I was employed in the admissions department of the local State Psychiatric Institution, I ran into a bit of a puzzler. It was a busy-ish night, my bastard supervisor was taking time off (the lazy putz), I was working alone (other than the grounds nurse/house supervisor), and I was faced with a delicate situation. The local mental health authority (the folks who exist to prescreen those who may be in need of hospitalization) sent me a gentle, frightened woman--mid 40's, looked like a PTA mom, quite dignified and charming. Her mental health had taken a bit of a downswing--she was convinced that men were trying to break into her house and steal her possessions. Several visits from the police had done nothing to appease her terror, and she had purchased a handgun. This made the authorities quite uncomfortable, so they sent her my way.
When a person is admitted to the place I was employed, many items are not allowed on the treatment units ("wards" in old parlance). She had most of her material possessions with her. And I had to be the one to A: tell her that she couldn't take them with her, and B: bag/tag them for the safe. As you can well imagine, she freaked when I told her that her house keys--a point of great fear and protectiveness--would have to be locked up. So, what did I do? I got her directly involved with the project, allowing her to keep an eye on me and her things all the way through. She assisted in listing the items, then together we put them in the bags, placed the information on them together, then I had her actually drop them in the safe. When it came time for her to leave for the unit, she shook my hand and thanked me. I'm glad it all worked out--she was sweet, and I would have felt like an utter brute had she become violent, making physical intervention a neccessity. So now, I send my thanks to this person, and wish her well.

"Wait a minute--is this some damn lesson? "Cuz I HATE learnin!"

(above is a quote from Anne Magnuson's Vandemonium)

So, it's been interesting going at work.........many people coming in with unusual pains--mostly mid trapezius(!) and stuff.........more healthcare professionals, another hearing impaired client, people grieving.........lots of opportunity to nurture people.
Sunday was some sort of damn lesson--I had it in my senile head that I didn't start work until 5:30pm that day---at a quarter of 3 I realized that I needed to be there SOON (3!!)--so I grabbed what I had worn the day before, rushed out the door without doing my usual grooming ritual, got there a few minutes late (as opposed to my habitual 10 minutes early)--and managed to make the clients really really happy, despite being off my usual routine. So there's some damn opportunity to learn somewhere in there...........

Happy Blog Birthday to Mariana

( fireworks display held in honor of Gatochy's 2nd anniversary. Damn the expense!)

Congratulations to Mariana at Gatochy's blog (see button to your left) on her second year of blogstardom! She is the BlogDiva, blogoddess, an inspiration, and a great friend--cheers, M!

Theme Week at Work

This has been my week for medical personell-- three nurses, a doctor, a physical therapist, and a pre-med student. I LOVE working on these guys--they give good feedback, and really appreciate the work. Plus, they really need some nurturing, so YAY!!!!

Geo-Theraputic Rejuvenation

Ok, so I planted my face in the garden last saturday night--and today it's just about 100% healed. The skin is smoother and younger looking on the injury site--my left side looks younger than my right. This leads me to promote "Geo-Therapy for a Younger Looking You". All you need is the planet, some anti-biotic ointment, plasters, and time.
It's simple--useing the earth's gravity, you collide your face with the earth's crust (the mantle and core are for more serious cases). Once you've "kissed our mother hello", just apply ointment, plasters, and wait. Viola! Safer than botox, cheaper than clinical dermabrasion, and the supplies are mostly right at your feet!
The author of this blog assumes no responsibility for the individual outcomes of this modality. It's mostly a "silver lining" attempt to "save face". Oooooh--bad pun!

Summer Reading List

Children's Books That Didn't Make It ...

1. You Are Different and That's Bad!
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife -- Robert
4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. That's It; I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident!
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop Goes The Hamster & Other Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Mixed Karma Weekend, or "Ouch, but Thanks....."

This has been an interesting weekend, to say the very least.
Friday afternoon, coming home from the nurserry with plants for the garden, my truck blew the radiator hose--right in rush hour traffic, in 100 degree heat, me wearing my cliche' black t-shirt. On the fortunate end, one of my co-workers and former classmates--my sweet dharma sister Lisa--was passing, and stopped to assist. All I really needed at that point--having made all the neccesary and appropriate calls already--was water--than you, Lisa! Shortly after that, the kindest, most laid back police officer showed up to provide assistance while I waited for the tow truck. The towing people were nice--they took me home to unload plants before dropping the truck off. The shop was anticipating my arrival (yay cell phone)--we are replacing the radiator--I should have it back monday about noon.
Then, last night, sitting out in the developing garden, I had a blood sugar event. I had consumed WAY more carbs than I'm used to, was fatigued, it was hot---I came over extremely dizzy, and did a face plant, right in the dirt. Quite lterally "hit the dirt". Fell like an ox. Right on my mug. Ouch, but could have been worse. The impact was mostly to my left zygomatic process--"cheekbone" to most folks. It didn't mess up my eye, didn't break my nose, no split lip or injured teeth--for a couple of traumatic events in such a short time, they were both much better than they might have been. Plus, my wonderful friend Rob was able to provide transportation to buy neccesary things like groceries and first aid supplies. Thanks, Rob!!

Downtime Update

Hey kids--it's been a while.........[uncomfortable period of silence, eye contact avoided]....I'm having another truck repair day, hence the "at home, on the computer" state of things.............
the new career is going quite well--the time flies when I'm in session--a good indicator that I've found the right livelihood. Still, the forearms get fatigued, as do the thumbs. Hence the not blogging for a couple of weeks........
Mariana started a great campaign--it's in honor of people who would never abandon their pets while on holiday.http://proudtosay.blogspot.com/
It's a positive reinforcement idea--so much kinder and easier than sending me to rip people's spines out (that Mariana is so thoughtful--she knows I'm almost to 40 years of non-violence, and is aware that my knowledge of anatomy and fierce love of animals puts me in a unique position regarding the whole spine ripping thing, but no......) she has cool buttons you may copy and paste onto your own blog (as soon as I figure out how to do that, you'll see one here). Apparently, some people think it's perfectly ok to go on holiday, and leave the companion animals to starve. Just amazing, in that "I don't believe a human being would do something so fucked" kind of way. Not only would I never do that, but I will care for neighbor's pets while they're on holiday. My nextdoor folks had me feed their sweet dog "Cookie" for a few days, and I got a groovy chiminea for my effort.
Which brings me to my last topic and excuse for the lack of posts lately--I''m planning a meditation garden in the back, just outside my window. When Sandy moved, I scavenged all the stone out of her (former) back garden.....they make a lovely circle , which has been divided into quadrants, each to have it's own theme. Closest to the house will be the herbs and vegetables--I plan to stack a drywall, and build up with compost and soil. Next to that will be the "grasslands"--I plan to plant pretty grasses that will ripple and sway in the wind, along with fragrant lavender. Moving along, we come to what will be the cactus garden--imagine sand, agave plant, cacti--that's where the chiminea is, along with the old wagon wheel--all I will need is a steer skull to complete the southwestern cliche'........finally, we will come to the water garden--I have a horse trough that will make a great aquaculture container--imagine cattails, dwarf lotus, etc--I plan to surround it with ferns, crepe myrtle, and irises.
I spend most of my time after work in the back, planning. My before mentioned neighbors are a little creeped out--gardening in the dark just looks so unsavoury.........

I Still Have It......

"It" being the crazy person magnet. I have long sworn off public transportation due to my irresistable magnetsim re: the mentally ill. Seriously. I have stories.....but I'll focus on this one, for the sake of blogging brevity.
So there I am, after a good day at the massage hut--repeat clients on the rise, tips steady and good, so ya know, tired but happy, looking to unwind at my neighborhood all night coffee house (corporate/Seattle based, but friends work there). None of my friends were on duty tonight, so I copped an herbal tea and sat down to chill with one of my favorite comic books--"My Monkey's Name Is Jennifer"--the heartwarming tale of Kaitlin, a "happy child", and her castrated, declawed, bitter psychotic pet, a primate she named "Jennifer", and dresses up like a sweet little girl. Maybe it was my choice of reading material, but I wasn't in my chair for more than 20 minutes before a smiling, soft spoken psychotic young man took the seat next to me and began chatting. It took all of 4 utterances for him to reveal his state of mental health. I was glad of my background in the MH field and basic diplomacy skills. I politely chatted back for a couple of minutes, then made my escape.
I may never leave the house again. At least until it's time to go to work again.
(blogger is not loading images just now. Jennifer would say "I will kick you in your fleshy testicles, blogger. alot)

Is This Earring Too Big?

Amber is usually the soul of fashionista good taste when it comes to accessories--understated in the extreme, but this new trend in haute cature is a bit on the bohemian side for my dear twin baby sis.
Ok, I'm just envious--you busted me.
Amber can wear ANYTHING and look adorable. And when she wears something adorable, it's enough to make Lagerfeld go on a twinkie binge.

Return of the Furry Head, Plus One

Little did I realize that the modification process would have these results. The furry head popped back up, much to my surprize (hence the mugging). Once the growth process was done, we spent the rest of the evening playing "totem pole". I'm the one in the middle, if you are confused. Io kitty --always the alpha--insisted on being on top. I think she has narcissistic issues--she obviously didn't read that earlier post. What's a guy to do--besides the obvious "open cans, open doors, and worship on command"?

Shameless Re-Print of OPE Interview

freaking Blogger is all photo-phobic again today, damn it to Ladie's Home Journal
Yikes. Just yikes. My irresponsible focus on building my massage career has had the anticipated effect on my blog. I can't believe the dust that has accumulated here--it's like Tut's tomb, with only 40% of the curse value, and none of the treasure. Not even the bones of a grave robber--and that's nice for a change.
So, you may well ask, what lame-arsed attempt to fob off a weak attempt at a new post will I try today?
So glad you asked!
As some of you may recall, I sat in for blogmaster Kurt when he up and went a'journeying a little while ago. As I was severley limited in my blogging--something about keeping nudity and blasphemy to a bare minimum--I was forced to resort to being interviewed. And doing the actual interviewing. As it turns out, 13 years in a psychiatric institute (EMPLOYED THERE, thank you) left me somewhat, well, mad as a fish--just the trait one needs to do a self interview.
So, without (much) further ado (ado, ado, adooooooo!!!!), I present to you, the IRBHN reader that might have failed to just click the damn link (talking about YOU, Bart) and read it on OPE (don't whine about how long the page takes to load--your using Windows BC, you dino-flatus)
the afore mentioned interview. Just grit your teeth and take it like a manatee (if they had teeth)
Taarzaan: The OPE Interview
We here at OPE have been flooded with an utter lack of curiosity about ad hoc/interim/pseudo blogmaster Taarzaan, of I’d Rather Be Here Now, and his vision for OPE. Mostly we get concerned, even anxious inquiries as to Todd’s wellbeing, current location, and state of attire. We take all of this in the spirit it is no doubt meant—bitter, suspicious bordering on paranoid, resentful—business as usual.Taarzaan graciously consented to be queried by OPE. Deal with it.
Taarzaan joined us in the OPE staff lounge, casually dressed in cargo shorts, sandals, and what’s best referred to as a faded biker t-shirt. His hair—long salt and pepper—was pulled back in a disorganized pony tail, looking as though he’d just woken up, and had eschewed grooming. This impression was furthered by his morning breath, and desperate consumption of coffee.
OPE: Thank you for joining us today. I’d like to start by having you reveal something to our readers that you’ve never revealed to your own readers.
Taarzaan: I already don’t like you.
OPE: Fair enough. Pony up with the revelation anyway, Skippy.
Taarzaan: hmmm……..ok, when I was a teen, I had a long spate of somnambulism, and would frequently go on slumber runs on my brother’s motorcycle.
OPE: Get out!
Taarzaan:(rises to leave)
OPE: No, no—sit down, it’s just an expression, like “wow” or “you’re kidding”
Taarzaan :Damn—I thought we were through.
OPE: So, you would ride your brother’s bike in your sleep?
Taarzaan: Yeah—I woke up once after what had to be a spectacular wipe out. And one time I woke up in bed, with fresh bandages—I wiped out in my sleep, and either bandaged myself, or got medical assistance. All without waking up.
OPE: Ok, now you’re seriously creeping me out.
Taarzaan: Teach you to be nosey, eh?
OPE: So, do you still ride?
Taarzaan: Nah—I sold my bike for massage school funds. That, and HD has become so bourgeoise.
OPE: Ok—tell us about your blog, ‘I’d Rather Be Here Now”.
Taarzaan: I like to blog. Who knew it would become such a fun hobby. I was a huge fan of underground comix and the National Lampoon in the 70’s, and spent lots of time writing and drawing crude “zines”—way before it was popular. So blogging is a logical extension of my lifelong love of satirical humor. The technological advances of the past decade have given the dilettante smart ass the power of an art director, taking smart-assery to levels unanticipated or spoofed.
OPE: I understand you’ve been somewhat of a bell whether of unfortunate cultural trends.
Taarzaan: You could say that. I was working on what would have been the world’s first modern music video in 1978, as a school project. And I was a proto-Goth in 1980. Robert Smith totally stole my look.
OPE: God, you’re a sad bastard.
Taarzaan: Bite me.
OPE: Moving on……. How are you getting on with Todd?
Taarzaan: (over shoulder) Todd! Need coffee!
OPE: You seem to be getting the hang of that…..(Todd enters, refills Taarzaan’s massive coffee mug)
Taarzaan: Thanks, lad. 'preciate it.
OPE: Enough of that, now, or we’ll be months dismantling the extra self esteem.
Taarzaan: Cry me a river. Todd’s great. It has taken me a bit of adjusting to the toadying. I tend to be a rather self sufficient lone wolf type….
OPE: (gagging)
Taarzaan: gimme a kiss…….anyway, as I was saying, it wasn’t easy for me, having my ass kissed, early, often, and eagerly, but I am sort of getting the hang of it. I’d been consulting Kurt on the subject of “personal assistants”, and he thought this would be good first hand experience.
OPE: Is there a reason you’ve taken an interest in lackeys?
Taarzaan: Well, I’ve long been flying in the face of family tradition—something the courts look favorably on when handing down sentences—but as I get older, I find myself becoming more like my ancestors.
OPE: Meaning?
Taarzaan: That one day I will don the white lab coat, and utter the family motto: “Fools! I’ll destroy all of you!”
OPE: So you’ll no doubt be needing an Igor to call your own?
Taarzaan: Precisely.
OPE: So, you are planning on becoming a mad scientist when you retire. Are there any rough draft plans for world domination?
Taarzaan: Oh, yes—I had to submit a grant proposal already; there is so much competition for funding. I have a plan to breed pigeons with Celine Dion DNA. The idea is, they are mostly normal looking birds; it’s just that they sing like Celine Dion—in unison. So I hold the world hostage—pay up, or I release the Diva Doves.
OPE: That would be hell on earth. I must admit, I’m impressed, and feeling slight homicidal urges towards you.
Taarzaan: Get bent. New topic! I’ve been doing research on Todd!
OPE: Pardon?
Taarzaan: I’ve been reading through the OPE archives for all references to Todd. I’m compiling a complete dossier. Stay tuned!
OPE: Have I remarked on what a sad, twisted person you are?
Taarzaan: At least twice.
OPE: Well, I think we’ve got a better view of the man in the temp position.
Taarzaan: Nicely put.

Now, if you think that was disturbing, you should watch me shave.........

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder

http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/ddhome.htm
This is one of the best sites addressing narcissism from a clinical standpoint. Short on laughs, long on useful information.

The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Essential Feature
The essential feature of the narcissistic personality disorder is a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy (DSM-IV™, 1994, p. 658). Gunderson, et.al, (Livesly, ed., 1995, p. 208) notes that the grandiosity may not be overt or may involve arrogant and haughty behavior.
Kantor (1992, pp. 203-204) describes the clinical characteristics of NPD as:
inordinate self-pride;
self-concern;
an exaggeration of the importance of one's experiences and feelings;
ideas of perfection;
a reluctance to accept blame or criticism;
absence of altruism although gestures may be made for the sake of appearance;
empathy deficit; and,
grandiosity.
Frances, et.al. (1995, p. 374) add:
entitlement;
shallowness;
preoccupation with fame, wealth, and achievement;
craving admiration, attention and praise;
placing excessive emphasis on displaying beauty and power.
Beck (1990, p. 49) describes the key elements of NPD as presumed superiority and self-aggrandizing behavior. These individuals also give evidence of intense motivation to seek perfection and a feeling state of emptiness, rage and envy (Masterson, 1981, p. 7). They are vulnerable to the most negligible slights and are prone to withdraw and become inaccessible when feeling offended (Benjamin, 1993, p. 141).
Individuals with NPD may show little real ability outside of their fantasies. They can become self-destructive because their grandiosity and self-preoccupation impair their judgment and perspective. They can experience such inappropriate rage in response to someone diminishing their sense of superiority that they attack and attempt to destroy the source of criticism (Oldham, 1990, pp. 93-95). These individuals have a particularly difficult time with the limitations inherent in ageing; NPD has been associated with deterioration in midlife with the realization of mortality and loss of physical vitality (Wink, Costello, ed., p. 149).
On the other hand, individuals with NPD may be talented and successful enough to be admired and emulated by others (McWilliams, 1994, p. 171). They can be nearly symptom-free and well functioning. Even so, they may still be chronically unsatisfied due to habitually unrealistic self-expectations (Sperry & Carlson, 1993, p. 316).
NPD may be comorbid with histrionic, borderline, antisocial, and paranoid personality disorders. NPD traits are common in adolescents and may not necessarily lead to NPD in adulthood. Individuals who are diagnosed with NPD are 50-75% male (DSM-IV™, 1994, p. 660).
Self-Image
Individuals with NPD have a grandiose sense of self-importance. They routinely overestimate their abilities, inflate their accomplishments, and appear boastful, arrogant, and pretentious (DSM-IV, 1994, p. 658). This belief in personal superiority is the "bedrock" of their self-image. Individuals with NPD believe that their presumption of superiority is sufficient proof of its existence. They are able to feel secure and content if they think highly of themselves. Negative aspects of self are met with denial or rationalization (Richards, 1993, p. 251). However, maintenance of the belief that they are superior, often without commensurate achievements, can create a painful disparity between their genuine and their illusory competence. The strain of maintaining a false self-image may lead to feelings of fraudulence, emptiness, and disconsolate feelings (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 393, 420-421). McWilliams (1994, pp. 177-178) believes that individuals with NPD have some sense of their psychological fragility. They can experience either a grandiose self-state or a depleted, shamed self-state. With external affirmation, they can feel self-righteous, prideful, contemptuous of others, self-sufficient, and vain. With the loss of external validation, they can feel a vague sense of falseness, envy, ugliness, and inferiority.
Kantor (1992, p. 207) believes that individuals with NPD can sustain good judgement if they demand performance of themselves that vindicates their self-esteem. Judgement becomes impaired when the self-love has little realistic basis. Even as these individuals inflate their efforts and overvalue their abilities, they seem surprised when they do not receive the praise they expect (DSM-IV™, 1994, p. 658). They appear to have little awareness that their behavior may be seen as objectionable or irrational (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 405-406).
View of Others
Individuals with NPD assume that other people will submerge their desires in favor of the comfort and welfare of those with NPD. They believe that just because they want something -- that is reason enough for them to have it. They assume that others are as consumed by concern for those with NPD as the individuals themselves are; they believe they deserve special consideration from others (DSM IV™, 1994, p. 659) (Millon & Davis, 1996, p. 394). Narcissistic individuals use others to fulfill their own psychological needs and to maintain the stability of the self; others are valued by how well they provide comfort and emotional stability (Wink, Costello, ed., 1996, p. 149).
Kantor (1992, p. 206) notes that individuals with NPD have trouble cooperating with other people as their attention is on themselves. They view others as vassals or constituents; they seek admiration to document their own grandiosity and to preserve their superior status (Beck, 1990, p. 49). They have difficulty recognizing the experience and feelings of others. They lack empathy and form few genuine emotional commitments. They must, at all times, be admired. If they are able to recognize the needs of others, they tend to view these factors as signs of weakness and vulnerability (DSM-IV™, 1994, p. 659) (Oldham, 1990, p. 96). When able to perceive this vulnerability, individuals with NPD behave in a dominant and coercive manner (Birtchnell, Costello, ed., 1996, p. 186).
Individuals with NPD are often envious of others and believe others to be envious of them. They begrudge others their possessions or successes. They believe that they are so important that others should defer to them; their sense of entitlement is apparent in their lack of sensitivity toward and arrogant exploitation of others (DSM-IV™, 1994, pp. 658-659).
NPD self-esteem is fragile and maintained by external affirmation (McWilliams, 1994, p. 168). These individuals are preoccupied by how well they are perceived by others. They enhance their self-image by associating with people who are also superior, special or unique, and of high status; they want to be connected to people of equally idealized value (DSM-IV™, 1994, pp. 658-659).
Relationships
NPD relationships are impaired because of entitlement, need for admiration, and disregard for the feelings of others (DSM-IV™, 1994, p. 659). Individuals with NPD are interpersonally exploitative; they expect special favors without reciprocal responsibilities (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 405-406). Their capacity to feel love for others is marginal (McWilliams, 1994, p. 175) and they possess only the kind of empathy that allows them to manipulate and elicit admiration from others (Wink, Costellos, ed., 1996, p. 159). They can be socially facile, pleasant, and endearing; however, they are unable to respond with true empathy and can be disdainful and irresponsible (Sperry, 1995, p. 114). Their relationships must have potential for advancing their purposes or enhancing their self-esteem (DSM-IV™, 1994, p. 659). Without any apparent pay-off, a relationship has no purpose and is unlikely to be sustained.
A grave concern regarding individuals with severe NPD is their cold seductiveness and promiscuity, their incapacity to stay in love, and their inability to either genuinely comprehend or accept the incest taboo (Akhtar, 1992, p. 69). If they do not see their children as separate individuals but as sources of need gratification, sexual behavior is possible.
Yet, in spite of the apparent self-sufficiency of individuals with NPD, they have intense interpersonal needs (Golomb, 1992, p. 21). Their need for external affirmation of their specialness means they must be in relationships that will allow them to feel unique and admired. This overburdens their relationships with their demands for self-esteem enhancing interaction (McWilliams, 1994, p. 174) and they are likely to contribute little or nothing in return for the gratifications they seek. It is central to NPD that good fortune will come without reciprocity (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 405-406).
Individuals with NPD are likely to attempt to get their needs met in relationships without acknowledging the independent existence of those from which they "expect to feed." If they are forced to recognize the presence of a benefactor. they demean the gift or the person who has given it. Mates for individuals with NPD often have a NPD parent who has already indoctrinated them to regard exploitation and disregard as love (Golomb, 1992, pp. 21-22). Individuals with NPD are prone to compete with their mates; they want to be with someone special but they do not want to lose the spotlight (Beck, 1990, p. 244).
Within relationships, individuals with NPD expect admiring deference, have a noncontingent love of self, and take presumptive control of others. They often behave with contempt toward those with whom they are involved. They see their own achievements in grandiose and inflated terms while devaluing the contributions of others. At the same time, these individuals have an extreme vulnerability to criticism or being ignored. When their superior position is challenged or their lack of perfection is demonstrated, their self-concept may, for a while, degrade to severe self-criticism (or they may engage in an outburst of rage). Without effective penetration of their defenses, however, individuals with NPD are pleased with themselves and expect to be noticed and acknowledged as special (Benjamin, 1993, pp. 147-151).
Issues With Authority
Competent individuals with NPD are often in positions of authority themselves. If dealing with other authority figures, they are non-deferential, convivial or condescending, and presumptive of special treatment. They do not reveal any information derogatory to themselves and behave with self-righteous indignation when questioned. Lying is not difficult; concealment is a routine behavior. These individuals are unwilling to accept that society's limitations apply to them.
NPD Behavior
NPD behavior is usually haughty. These individuals behave in an arrogant, supercilious, pompous, and disdainful manner. They have a careless disregard for their own personal integrity and a self-important indifference to the rights or needs of others (Millon & Davis, 1996, p. 405). Yet, they can also show assertiveness, social poise, assurance, leadership potential, and achievement orientation (Wink, Costello, ed., 1996, pp. 153-154). Their ambition and confidence may lead to success, but their performance can also be impaired by their intolerance of criticism (DSM-IV™, 1994, p. 659). For all of their grandiosity, individuals with NPD are remarkably thin-skinned. They are easily offended and frequently feel mistreated (Golomb, 1992, p. 22). Individuals with NPD also experience boredom, dissatisfaction, and a lack of fulfillment and meaning in their work (Wink, Costello, ed., 1996, p. 149). It is problematic for these individuals to stay in long-term employment where responsibility for error or failure get harder and harder to obscure (Richards, 1992, p. 252).
Individuals with NPD do not believe that reciprocal social responsibilities apply to them. They expect others to serve them without giving much in return (Millon & Davis, 1996, p. 405). They are abrasive, abrupt, and lacking in gratitude (Beck, 1990, p. 244). They may engage in temper tantrums, verbal harangues, and emotional, physical, or sexual abuse because of their belief that others should be primarily concerned with making them happy or comfortable. These individuals are particularly apt to become resentful and contemptuous of anyone who tries to hold them accountable for their exploitative, self-centered behavior (Beck, 1990, p. 244).
Sperry (1995, p. 114) notes that individuals with NPD are expansive and inclined to exaggerate; they focus on images and themes and take liberties with the facts. They use self-deception to preserve their own illusions. They will do whatever is needed to reinforce their self-ascribed superior status (Beck, 1990, p. 50). They are competitive, boastful, impatient, arrogant, and hypersensitive (Sperry, 1995, p. 114). Individuals with NPD evidence an uneven morality and a readiness to shift values to achieve goals; they may engage in pathological lying (Akhtar, 1992, p. 69).
Affective Issues
NPD affect is generally nonchalant, imperturbable, and characterized by feigned tranquility. This changes when individuals with NPD experience a loss of confidence. Then they become enraged and may experience feelings of shame and emptiness. If these individuals lose their narcissistic feelings of easy superiority, they become irritable, annoyed, and subject to repeated bouts of dejection and humiliation (Millon & Davis, pp. 405-408).
Richards (1993, p. 249) notes that individuals with NPD frequently experience rage, indignation, and frustrated entitlement. Kernberg (1992, pp. 21-22) suggests that hatred is the core affect of severe personality disorders. He believes that the hatred derives from rage which, early in life, served to eliminate pain but became useful, later in life, to eliminate obstacles to gratification. Beck (1990, p. 235) suggests that individuals with NPD experience intense envy, fear, and rage. They are particularly angry when others do not accord them admiration or respect (Beck, 1990,. p. 50).
NPD rage is more tolerable to these individuals than the shame and envy that is associated with helplessness, a sense of ugliness, and impotence (McWilliams, 1994, p. 172).
Defensive Structure
Individuals with NPD are trapped in a kind of perfectionism. They have unrealistic ideals for themselves; then they either convince themselves that they have attained these ideals (the grandiose posture) or feel inherently flawed and a failure (the depressive posture) (McWilliams, 1994, p. 174).
The NPD illusion of superiority is a facet of a generalized disdain for reality. These individuals feel unconstrained by rules, customs, limits, and discipline. Their world is filled with self-fiction in which conflicts are dismissed, failures redeemed, and self-pride is effortlessly maintained. They easily devise plausible reasons to justify self-centered and inconsiderate behavior. Their memories of past relationships are often illusory and changing. If rationalizations and self-deception fail, individuals with NPD are vulnerable to dejection, shame, and a sense of emptiness. Then they have little recourse other than fantasy. They have an uninhibited imagination and engage in self-glorifying fantasies. What is unmanageable through fantasy is repressed and kept from awareness. As they consistently devalue others, they do not question the correctness of their own beliefs; they assume that others are wrong. The characteristic difficulties of individuals with NPD almost all stem from their lack of solid contact with reality. If the false image of self becomes subtantive enough, their thinking will become peculiar and deviant. Then their defensive maneuvers become increasingly transparent to others (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 405-423).

Wayans Bros Mug Warner Bros

I'm embarassed to even be blogging this--ok, bs--I HAVE no shame........ has anyone else noticed that the premise and imagery from the Wayans Brothers new film "Little Man" is lifted directly from "Baby Buggy Bunny"(1954)? The one where Baby-face Finster, a dwarf criminal, hides out at Bugs', disguised as a baby? Same bit with him shaving, the same "foundling on the door step" bit.....I admit, I haven't researched the film--they may be openly doing an homage, but jeepers--how does one pad out a 5 minute cartoon from the '50's into a full length feature?
And if we are due for more Bugs remakes--how about the one with Gruesome Gorilla (Gorilla my Dreams 1948), or the one with the little Penguine (Frigid Hare 1949)? I hear the auto-insurance gekko has optioned Aleister Crowley's "Diary of a Drug Fiend" (it's going to be a musical).

The Gorilla in Question

This is Gruesome J. Gorilla. Don't let the placid expression fool ya--he'll injure you right and proper if you get careless.
Gruesome spends his days staring out at the house across the street. What it is he expects to see, he's not letting on. The postal carriers have made no complaints as of yet--he's either A: behaving himself when they come 'round, or B: intimidating them into silence.
Dig that Frankenstein action going on up top. He'll be decked out this Halloween--we haven't decided between Franken-Ape or Robo-Ape. Robo-Ape is the easier of the two--cover him in foil, add antennae and red flashing eyes, and your done.
Where does a 400 lb gorilla sleep? On my front step--no way I'm letting him inside, not after nearly breaking my arm.