And they Bitch About Sponge Bob???

A couple of things prompted me to post this. Firstly, there is Mariana's post about stupidity, likening the activity in a stupid person's head to two chipmonks chasing each other, and the other is the release of Brokeback Mountain today on video and DVD.
Before Jack and Ennis there was Mac and Tosh.
Two terribly epicene rodents from Warner Brother's studio. I recomend the Wikipedia article strongly. But for sheer joy of seeing the Google auto translation do funny things with idioms, here's a translated page from a French site, with link to the original.



http://telemaniac.free.fr/macettosh.htm





Indentity card
Name: Mac and Tosh
Date of birth: 25 Janvier
Birthplace: in a giant sequoia of California
First appearance with the cinema: "Goofy Gopher"
First apparation with tele: "The Bugs Bunny Show"
Favorite sentence: Mac: My dear friend, which radiant dye you have this morning.
Tosh: Thank you, you have the superb air too you.
Distinguishing mark: underhand twins of Tic and TAC (Chip & Dale)


Any knowledge on Mac and Tosh


Mac and Tosh are a polished and courteous duet. They spend their time to be pleased mutually or being excused flatly.
They deploy boundless ingenuity to arrive to their ends, they are very imaginative and very energetic, and in spite of their small size, do not fear any adversary. And it is thanks to their solidarity that they are always left there.

Their victims: Elmer Fudd at which they has fun with hiding their nut reserve and
especially the dog of farmyard of Charlie the cock that they adore to annoy and do not deprive themselves any...

Their physics: an innocent and adorable air, sharp eyes, a tiny body.

Their currency: the union makes the force.

In spite of their various appearances in DA and also in data base, these two small characters remain despite everything, most discrete of the team of the looneys tunes.

Guide Episodes:

Two gopher from texax with the dog of farmyard of Charlie the Cock
With ham in A role with always the dog
With bone for always has bone with the dog
I gopher you where one find our 2 friends in a food factory of conditioning
Brocke gopher with the dog of Charlie
Lumber Jerks

The Goofy Gopher with Elmer Fudd
Pests for guests with Elmer Fudd
Tease for two with Daffy Duck


In Taz (about its attitude) :
Mac: But let us see, my good friend your maintenance is disastrous
Tosh: Behaviour, my Brave man, you rectify and speak distinctly, chest curvature and sunken tail.

In Sam (about its clothing) :
Mac: Would divine kindness, Roy Rogers have resold you its clothing, hopalong?
Tosh: There is what to make cry Clint Eastwood
(during the change of behaviour)
Mac : do these old worn jeans... you imagine?
Tosh : It is all bonnement scandalous!
(after the change of behaviour)
Mac : What a pace! by times which run, this unit is much more appropri 3rd!
Tosh : And thus a left gaucho becomes a paragon of elegance!



That' S All Folks!!


Couldn't have said it any better myself.

Happy Brithday to My Dear Old Grey Haired Mum

(pictured above: birthday bouquet, courtesy of my brother in bayouland)
Me Ma turns 79 today.
She’s in better health today than she was in her late 60’s-
I found a Doctor that makes house calls, and she has great health insurance, so all rationales for neglecting her health have been eliminated.
Except for the loss of my brother, Edd, and my surviving brother living in another state, I must say she’s also happier than she was before.
Moving her out of that gloomy monstrosity of a house, with the negligent and contentious landlord, the uneven foundation, bad wiring and plumbing, even worse heating/cooling, has helped quite a bit. The new house is smaller, but open, full of light, and the landlord is a sweetheart.
And then there’s the dollhouse. She’s really taken a new interest in things since I knocked it together last Xmas. She’s started crafting again, and has even taken an interest in television again. We watched a 2 hour programme on History Channel about Queen Boudicca of the Iceni. She was unfamiliar with the story, and stayed focused and involved for the entire broadcast—something she wasn’t able to do in her 60’s.
So I’m pretty freakin happy in general, and actually quite pleased with myself—I feel a bit like the protagonist of Cold Comfort Farm—I saw the problems, and used ingenuity, creativity, and lots of patience to get them sorted out.
I’m adding a back wall to the dollhouse, and I found lots of groovy miniature stuff to deck it out with for her birthday. Pictures will be forth coming.
Happy birthday Ma. In honor of your special day, I wrote a serious, sincere post, and didn’t say “fuck” even once.
Oh, shit.

Today's Theme is Fine Dining.....

Kurt's a lucky dog--the kind that never get dressed up and posted on any of the 3 internets.
click the link, and know what it feels like to envy another person......
http://swapatorium.blogspot.com/2006/03/placemat-mania.html
I bet he takes it with him when he goes overseas, damnit. He's already shipped my BEA award to an undisclosed location, and I can only have it after completing my "assignment" to his "satisfaction"......that includes "supervising" "Todd". "Damn"! "My" "quotes" "button" is "stuck""!"

My Place on the Food Chain: Another 60’s Memory

We had a great yard when I was a kid. Our house sat on one big lot, and we owned the lot next to it, which we cultivated with flowers, fruit trees, a vine rack and some veggies. I spent as much time as I could in the garden.
Our yard was quite the popular neighborhood playground, often full of kids getting their frolic on. And as gross and unfair as it was, I had the job of clearing the yard when the parents declared fun time over. Bastards!
Most of the kids were understanding and quite compliant, but the kid across the street—a little boy about 2 years younger than me—never ever ever took the prompt without this insane ritual that no doubt left him psychologically scarred and in doubt of his place on the food chain. I was 6 at the time.

Me: You have to go home now.
Him: No I don’t.
Me: Do too—my mom said everybody has to go home.
Him: Not me
Me: everyone
Him: No! I don’t have to!
Me: If you don’t go home, I’m gonna eat you up.
Him: Nuh-uh
Me: Uh-huh
Him: You won’t either
Me: I sure will
Him: Nuh-uh
Me: GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
I would hold my hands up to my eye level, “making bear claws”. I would then open my mouth fully (a scary sight in itself) and gnash my teeth, going
“CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP!!”

Without fail, time and again, he would freak out completely. He’d go from playing to fleeing in terror. I waited for him to figure out the improbability (not impossibility, mind) of me actually eating him all up. He never did. I even got complaints from his mom about nightmares he was having. Oi! Heloooo—6 years old here—so not responsible for the contents of your tender vittle’s wee psyche, lady. And my performance was even worse than John Caradine in House of Frankenstein. That’s how I felt at the time, anyway. Over the years, I’ve thought of that little boy, and wondered about the severely fucked up individual he grew up to be. I wonder if he’s troubled and insecure, or did he overcompensate by becoming a fearless warrior bad ass? Or is he completely crazy, and stalking me without my knowledge, waiting to finish me off before I find him and devour him? Mostly, I try to remember his name, so I can look him up and invite him to dinner.

Thank you, Mariana

(Picture left: Mariana and Gatochy, making magic)
The brilliant Mariana is lending her talented hand to IRBHN. She's added a site meter, and has graciously accepted to guest post here.
I'll be covering for Kurt at OPE while he's overseas. I keep getting differing versions of why the trip is happening--first it was to clear up a wee misunderstanding with INTERPOL, then it was something about returning a mail order bride, yatta yatta....I wouldn't be surprised if he'd saved up to go ring Mariana's doorbell and run away, supressing his maniacal laughter until he's on the plane back, fully weirding out yet another Scandanavian flight attendant. He has a history with them. They taunt him, by asking "what is it now?" when he hasn't asked for anything previously. That kind of subtle abuse is the mark of a master, but I have faith that Kurt has replayed the event in his head ad infinitum, and will be poised with a withering response this time. Matter of fact, I'm starting to think that maybe this trip will be spent flying, seeking out that polyester clad virago, that nordic harpy, that ABBA-looking bitch in the sky, just to find closure, healing, and as many of those little bottles of booze he can possibly pinch. I'm counting on it.
Gotta go finish reading Kurt's instructions on the care and feeding of Todd.

Take That, Autistic Universe!

I post this with tears in my eyes---they always water like crazy from these things. If this causes a quantum-butterfly type disaster, sorry.

The Universe Is Autistic

Equilibrium--what are you gonna do about it? "Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose"--French for "why bother for fuck's sake"--ok, I take liberties with my translation, but I do so with equality and brotherhood as well.
You know those "hidden picture" nightmares? The thingies you are supposed to "stare intently at" until a hidden image reveals itself, all coy like a neophyte exhibitionist? I was absolutely certain those things were a mass delusion, conspiracy to annoy me, or proof that I really am a Roswell baby like that guy on the bus screamed at me. Imagine my mixed emotions this evening when I actually experienced the 3-D phenomenon. First there was surprise. Then a surprised satisfaction slaking the frustration I had felt when confronted with these damn things. Then a touch of shame, a vague head ache from eye-crossing, and ultimately a touch of paranoia--why can I see them now? What have my enemies secretly done to my eyes/brain/computer screen?
So I thought I'd post my favorite one here and now--and blogger is being all crazy and not uploading images today. Nor is my e-mail. So, equilibrium--I can now see the damn images. I just can't upload them to my blog. Or the universe will headbang or something.

Ironic note : when you spell check your blog entries, it doesn't recognise "blog","blogger", or "blogging". Funny!

Kurt Owes Me a Quarter

The Ultimate MySpace Quiz

1. Which character from Alistair Crowley’s Diary of a Drug Fiend do you most identify with, and why?
2. If you had to be a transvestite crack whore for one day, what brand of make up would you use? Condom? Box cutter?
3. What’s your favorite antibiotic?
4. Favorite pain? Pain killer? Serial killer? Cereal?
5. You’ve been nailed by the wrists to a redwood deck, and a drooling psychopath is standing over you with an axe, ready to behead you.
A: How did you get there?
B: Why you should live, in 50 words or less.
C: What are you wearing?
6. Where did you hide your stash when you were in high school?
Middle school? Kindergarten?
7. Des Cartes said :” Je pense, donc je suis”. Would you date him?
8. Jock or nerd: which one goes best with white wine?
9. What has it gots in its pocketses?
10. If you were an STD, which one would you be?
11. What’s your most shameful secret? Be specific, with details.
12. Everybody has their price—what’s yours?
13. Who should be first up against the wall when the revolution finally happens?
14. Besides me, wise ass.
15. You encounter Andrew Lloyd Webber, Anne Gedes, and Ayn Rand in a deserted meadow. You have only one bullet. What do you do?

The Banality of Evil: MySpace

One major hazard of close relationships with young people is MySpace. It electronically recreates the high school clique--SHUDDER--and provides a way to stay in contact with Amber, she who rarely checks her e-mail. So I give vent to my inner evil genius--think Stewie crossed with Dr. Evil--and all the painfully childish surveys that show up on the bulletin board get a fresh coat of megalomania, and passed on. It amuses me to toy with them....for now.


The Isolater
Date:
Mar 25, 2006 1:25 PM
Subject:
30 Impertinent Questions

1. What does your MySpace name mean?

Oh, my…you certainly do ask the hard hitting questions! Look it up in the dictionary, you drooling buffoon!

2. Elaborate on your default photo:

What utter boredom! Next question!

4. What's your current relationship status?

Are you coming on to me?

5. What EXACTLY are you wearing right now?

Besides this bored, disgusted expression? Why do you ask?

6.What is your current problem?

I’m being interrogated by an idiot

7. Who do you love?

Who sent you? Don’t make ANY sudden moves……

8. What makes you most happy?

Oh, really! Why don’t you try being subtle! You were obviously sent by my enemies to gather information…..

9. Are you musically inclined?

Yes, but not as inclined as I am to destroy the cat’s paw puppet of my enemies….

10. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?

Oh, NOW the REAL reason you’re here….WHAT DO YOU KNOW? WHO SENT YOU?

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?

Again with the thinly veiled leading questions…..you are either quite brave, or an utter fool…..

12. Ever have a near death experience?

*SIGH*

13. Name an obvious quality you have?

That is a command. I don’t respond to commands, other than with violence. And you DON’T end a command with a question mark, you illiterate ninny!

14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?

Little Fugue in d minor

15. Who did you cut and paste this from?

Orlock---did HE send you?

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you:

Gypsie Rose Lee, and say "please"

17. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?

Is an ego considered private property?

18. Have you ever been in a fight?

What do you think I pay the henchmen for? Their conversational skills?

19. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?

Of course

20. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Are they caring any weapons?

21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?

You disgust me

22.Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?

I punched my own tooth out once. It was taunting me

24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?

I tolerate NO disrespect!

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?

Of course

26. Did you have braces?

DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAD BRACES????? IDIOT!!!!

27. Are you comfortable with your height?

No! In fact, I’ve joined Height Watchers. I hope to lose a foot and a half

28. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?

Disappeared completely

29. Do you speak any other languages?

Non, rein.

30. Do you have a crush on someone on your myspace?

I WAS going to give you a swift, merciful death….NOW I may just drag it out a bit….
Now, about the mysteriously missing question 3......

Have You Seen This Child? If so, you might be missing......

Yes! Yeeeeeessss! More blood of the innocent on my sandwhich, Nanny!

MORE!!! AH-HAAAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA HAA HAA HAA!!!!

Beelzebushy Tail, Squirrel From Hell

He's come to nibble your soul!!

(Photo courtesy of He-Who-FINALLY-Left-a-Damn-Comment)

Happy Spring, Pt 2-"California Dreamin"

It started as a bad pun.........

Happy Spring Equinox

This little guy is here (courtesy of Bart--he who reads, but never comments) to wish you a happy first day of spring, and to see if you have any spare walnuts, or even almonds.
I'm celebrating by working on a paint by numbers called "California Dreaming". All the threes are brown, and the fives are grey........

Working Class (Super)Heros

I know, I live under a rock, and they've only just wired it for cable. So I've only just seen the new Dr. Who series.
I must say I was charmed. Gone are the tatty sets and costumes. Equally absent are the posh accents. Bravo!
I was a huge fan of the original series, but it seemed all the old Dr's were Royale Academy trained Shakespearian actors--as were the supporting cast, for the greater part. Well, no more--the new Dr has a northern accent ("If you're an alien, why do you sound like you're from the north?" "Many planets have a north.")
Equally charming is the Rose character. She's working class, free of racial bigotry, and has a silly moo for a mum. So I'll be tuning in.

Stranger Than Fiction

This will sound all delusional and stuff, but.....Amber went camping. For like, a whole week or something. Yes, fashionista extraordinaire and high-maintenance babe of the year got dragged to the wilderness without so much as a portable DVD player to keep sane with. No Auqa Teen Hunger Force, no boutiques, but on the other hand, no psycho room mates, either. I'm dying to hear Justin's tale(s) of woe, and how he's learned better now. So in celebration, the mice made us this...sniff......amazing meal! And have no fear, that's totally a fake fur I'm wearing. And yes, Justin did get a bit of sun. Looks good on him, actually.

Bartender, I'll Have a Guinness and a Ladder

Happy St. Patrick's Day! (Due to unseasonably hot weather in Texas, all the wee folk run about starkers--something else to hate about global warming)

Visit the Museum Of Bad Art

http://www.museumofbadart.org/

For those of you looking to kill your appetite and lose a few pounds, or those interested in suffering in order to do penance, here's a link and a choice few images from MOBA. Embrace the horror.
I never quite "got" clown fear--until now. And the girl(?) with the horse's head is beyond disturbing. It makes the mountain-headed doggie(?) charming by comparison. Ok, not quite, but I don't have nightmares about the.....whatever that is.

ScreenCap Adventures--Hammer's "The Devil Rides Out"

We had a cool sleep over at my house last night. Me and Amber and Justin and some friend of Justin's.
We did folk dancing at Amber's insistance. She was all like "I put on this damn dress, so were GONNA boogie, ya'll." She's really bossy that way, and she makes us all touch heinies.
She's also totally NOT down with my earth friendly pest control measures. The reason you never see bugs at my house is because Fuzzy eats them. Fuzzy's gotten big, and has started keeping my yard pest free. I haven't had mail in weeks. Amber tried to step on Fuzzy when she thought I wasn't looking.
Then Justin passed out cold like a big girl's blouse. Not because of Fuzzy--he was just loaded. So Amber made us dance some more. Sometimes I wonder about that girl.
Then, best of all, we got to take pony rides in the house. I love being a grown up and making the rules at my house. Amber squealed with delight and had to be restrained from rushing at the horsie. Justin was really sorry he got so blotto and crashed, not just because he missed his turn on the pony, but because of what the pony did while he was all vulnerable. It wasn't as bad as what Amber does when he's passed out, but he's still pouting anyway.

BEA Brave, Little Blogger

I have to miss the BEA ceremony in New Jersey, damn my luck. There's going to be cake and juicy juice and maybe Bronson Pinchott. And a puppet show, or so I heard. The reasons I have to miss this gala event, even though I won for "Best Blog by a Masseur, Masseuse, or acupuncturist Under the Age of 50" are as follows:(in no apparant order)

I'm sick. Sneezing, sniffling, oozing and sweating. Can't come out and play.

I'm broke. Self employment is like that sometimes. I think my boss is out to get me.

New Jersey is totally far away from Texas. Kurt can tell you that far away from Texas is not a bad thing at all, but it's been eons since I was allowed past the state line, due to the mutant quarentine laws that were put into effect after that last thing that we agreed I wouldn't ever talk about in exchange for.......nevermind. Besides, I don't think they even speak the same language as we do here in Texas. They have high falutin' concepts like "gerunds" and "prepositions" and stuff like that. We have to access the SAP channel whenever we watch a Kevin Smith film here.
And one time, when I was younger and I got out of Texas, I tried to order a hamburger "with everything on it" in a northern state. You won't believe the things they allow on a burger--if it literally had everything on it, it would weigh 12 pounds and taste like.......nevermind. Here in Texas we have laws that dictate what can go on a hamburger, besides the ones outlawing same sex unions and making capital punishment a spectator event. In fact, I believe that the Governor will personally execute you if you are found putting tartar sauce and kraut on your burger.

So I hope that Kurt will be allowed to read my 1 minute acceptance speech, even though he hasn't agreed to and I only asked once. It goes like this:

"I want to thank everyone who made this award possible--all the other bloggers that I cheerlead for (Mariana, Kurt, and Delta), the fabulous babes that give me stuff to write about (Dawn, Amber, Lily) and the good people at BEA for noticing how desperate I am for approval. Thank you all, and blog bless you. Can you mail the award to me?"

Taarzaan's Petting Zoo and Wildlife Santuary.

Between hastily knocking together a gift shop and having t-shirts, mugs, and brochures printed, who has time to blog this week?
My bird feeding venture has grown. The blurry white blob is "Rupert"--a big white rabbit that comes to feed at night. We've also sighted an exceptionally rare albino Grackle, but the little bastard was camera shy. Less so are these parrots that turned up today. So, if you find yourself in my neighborhood, stop in, buy something in the gift shop, buy feed to toss to the grackles, have your picture taken with the birdbath fairy, and then go home. There is plenty of parking, as I live on the corner, but there is no public restroom, so if your planning on a lengthy stay, buy Depends from our gift shop. I'm working on getting some made with our logo. I better go design a logo now.