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(Tigers in a vat, forced to chase each other in circles until they turn into balm. )The makers of Tiger Balm(TM) were eaten by the ingredients of their product late Sunday evening, according to sources close to the tigers.
"They had denied using tigers in their product from the beginning"said attorney for the tigers and local primate Django Lemur-"even though there is a clear image of a tiger on the tin and the word tiger in the product name. It was just a matter of time before they got hold of a clever bunch of tigers who wouldn't fall for their tricks".
Local authorities have declined to prosecute the tigers, after district attorney office personnel were eaten during the investigation. A spokesperson for the tigers announced earlier today the tiger's intent to take over operations of the analgesic balm company, making the product from botanical sources, or possibly third world children purchased from clothing manufacturers, depending on whichever was more cost effective. A spokesperson for the third world children was quoted as saying "bring it, you stripey bitches. These babies haven't been fed in a while", appealing to the tiger's natural fear of poetic irony.
5 comments:
No quote from tiger expert Tina Reffett?
:O So the rumours were true! Blimey, whatever was in those dog biscuits I gave Fido the other day?
I knew it! That stuff always smelled just like tigers to me.
ha. oh, awesome!
i love kitties.
Tina got a little bit.....ate up. The tigers are sorry. They claim no responsibility, however, for either dog bisquits OR Girl Scout cookies. Or French Fries. Or Italian Cream Cake. Or Canadian Bean Soup. Any of those type things. Except Eskimo Pie.
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