Zombie Virus Spreads, Mutates Much Like Swine Flu

When it rains, it pours.....................as if the zombie problem wasn't nuisance enough, now the swine flu is vying for terrifying news of the week. It had just better not get any ideas about bonding with the zombie germs and becoming the undead flu, because a virus is way too small to shoot in the brain without major magnification, and it is just too much trouble.
Pictured above are examples of human-pet zombie attacks, lion-on-lion zombification, the after-math of kitteh zombeh-fication, and a nifty educational poster to help you through the next few days.

Still Not Undead

This photo was taken some weeks back here in Austin. The news of the aftermath has been largely ignored. I'm writing this in hopes that someone in the outside world will read it................. The effects of the zombie infestation on the 20-somethings has been the most negligible. They continue to be mindless conforming consumers, and they were so steeped in hipster ennui at their time of conversion to the walking dead that they pose no actual threat, being too ironic and cynical to even attempt to feast on the flesh of the living.
As for the rest, this being Texas, the zombies all died of starvation after 2 days---not enough brains to keep even an anorexic zombie [dibs on the name for a band] unalive .

Bulletin: Plants Apparantly Grow in Spring

I keep checking on them, and every day they get a little bit bigger. The authorities must be alerted!